Just Seems Logical
by Kim Heechul
Summary: -DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.- They say people who commit suicide go to hell. What about if they try and fail? Do they still get that chance of going to that dark, fiery little place under the earth? Roxas didn't think so. Axel x Roxas
1. Running Through Rain

**Title: **_Just Seems Logical_

**Rating:** T+ - M

**Warnings:** Suicide attempts, angst, boy x boy 'love', cuteness, out of characterness, fluff, lots of hurt, character death. More will be given at the beginning of each chapter.

**Summary:** They say people who commit suicide go to hell. What about if they try and fail? Do they still get that chance of going to that dark, fiery little place under the earth? Roxas didn't think so. -Axel x Roxas-

**Notes:** I don't believe in heaven or hell, God or Satan, so please don't be offended by me, or anything in this little story. It's here purely for entertainment, and I'd prefer it if I didn't get flamed for something like _religion._ Mmkay?

Anyway, this was inspired by something I saw on TV one night, not to mention my recent re-addiction to Kingdom Hearts.

Lots of angst. Get over it. You know you like it when Roxas plays the wounded puppy and Axel comes to save him.

**Disclaimer:** I'm only a kid. Do you possibly expect me own something as kick ass as Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters? Well, if you did... you need to stop being so damn gullible.

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**Chapter 1ne: **_Running Through Rain_

---

It was raining today, the third time this week, and I was cooped up in my room, just laying on my bed again. It's not like I had anything to do, anyway. I could hear the muffled noises of my parents' voices through my slightly open door from down the stairs and in the kitchen. They were yelling; not that this surprised me in any way. The two of them often fought with one another. The sad thing is, it was never about the normal things parents usually fought about, like the issue of money and jobs, or one of them caught cheating or that they were just flat out_not in love_ anymore, oh no, no, no. It was about their _im_perfect offspring. Their 'crazy' bastard-son.

About me.

Now, I don't know if you've ever been the reason your parents were constantly screaming their lungs out at each other, but I can assure you, without one little doubt in my mind, that it's absolutely the most horrible feeling you can ever experience. I mean, really...

I let out a small sigh, staring at my ceiling, and jumped lightly when I heard what sounded like glass hitting something and shattering. And, again, this didn't surprise me. It was more than likely one of the many worthless pieces of junk my parents wasted their money on.

Swallowing hard when I heard my father call my mother some nasty names, I ran a hand through my hair and wondered, with a sort of hysterical laugh pushing it's way forcefully from my vocal chords, what they were going to do with me. I knew they didin't want me here. They didn't want anything to do with me.

Would they kick me out, leave me on the streets to fend off all those perverts and pedophiles by myself? Would they send me away to some boarding school for delinquents to be with other _freaks_ like me? Hire someone to finish me off in my sleep so that they would never, _ever_ have to deal with me again?

...for some reason, the last thought seemed the most logical.

'And_ I can do that myself,_' I thought bitterly, a grim smile playing my pale lips. '_Sounds... exciting. I've always wanted to try dying._' I sat up slowly, scanning my eyes around my room for my black hoodie._No_ I'm not emo, or whatever the hell you would call me, I just like the color. It keeps you warm - not to mention it goes well with _everything_.

I found it splayed out on my floor near my closet and, nearly tripping on my scruffy, worn-out tennis shoes, lifted myself from my bed and went to pick it up. After doing so, I examined it.

"It's dirty..." I _tsk_ed at it. "But I guess it doesn't really matter right now." And it didn't. I wasn't planning on 'going out with style'; I just didn't want to ruin some expensive shirt my parents bought for me. It would only make them even more hateful towards me after I'm gone to know that they wouldn't be able to get, what... about sixty-something dollars back into their pockets? It really did amaze me how selfish some people could be.

My stomach suddenly twisted when I stood in front of my mirror, staring blankly at my frail reflection. I didn't have any lights on at the moment, but I could still see how pale I was from the small amount of light coming from outside. Not only pale, but skinny. And I realized then exactly_why_ I was feeling like this. I haven't been eating, not since...

Well, you'll find out soon enough.

I took a deep breath and slipped my hoodie on over my head, having a bit of difficulty getting my arms through the sleeves since I couldn't see. But one way or another, I did manage to get it on. Then, I slipped my old tennis shoes on. I didn't bother with my hair or pants; my hair was always messy and I already had a pair of jeans on.

Satisfaction was a feeling I rarely got, but as I looked at myself in my mirror and thought about what I was about to do, I smiled. I mean it, I actually _smiled._ Smiled at the thought that I wouldn't be coming home, smiled because I wouldn't ruin my parents' lives anymore, smiled because...

Because I felt alive. I felt productive and useful for once in my crummy little life. It felt good.

After a few minutes more of staring at my sickly, smiling self, I turned to my still slightly open door and pulled it open, bounding happily down the stairs. At the bottom, my parents were still screaming and throwing things, but they stopped when they realized I was watching them. My eyes met with my mothers' first, and I gave a kind of shy smile before switching my gaze to my father. He was... scary looking, as always. But I gave him a regretful look, a look that just screamed, "I'm sorry I'm such a burden. But can you ever forgive me?" At least, I hoped that was the message he was receiving.

"Bye," They didn't try to stop me when I walked to the door, didn't when I opened it, and I doubt they even cared when I was on the other side.

x x x

The rain hadn't calmed the least bit since I was back in my bedroom, in fact, I think it was falling harder than before. People scurried past, huddling under their coats and umbrella's. Some stared at me like I was nuts. Though it's kind of hard not to blame them... Wouldn't _you_ think that if someone had walked past you in the pouring rain, dripping and absolutely _soaked_ to the bone, shivering and teeth visibly clanking together, wearing a look that said, "I don't really give a fuck anymore,"?

Exactly.

I padded through puddles, jumping in some of the larger ones, and stopped when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned and blinked.

"What are you doing?" the tapper asked. It sounded male, though I couldn't honestly be sure. It had it's hood pulled up over it's head. But for your sake, I'll just refer to it as a 'he'.

"Why should I tell you?" I asked coolly.

He didn't answer. Instead, he just grumbled and shoved something I recognized as an umbrella to my chest. I took hold of it so it didn't fall to the ground when he pulled his hand back.

"You're going to get sick..."

"So?"

I think he let out a sigh, again, I couldn't be sure. "Don't be so negative."

Negative? Who the _hell_ was this guy to tell me not to be 'negative'. But thankfully, I didn't blow up at him. That's just how I was, see. When I was mad or upset about something, I just kept it to myself.

Dropping the umbrella, I turned my back to him, breaking off into a run as the bridge came into view. Cars sped by, honking at me, but I ignored them, throwing one leg over the protective railing at a time.

"Okay, Roxas..." I whispered to myself. "It's now or never... and if you chicken out of this now, you'll never do it." And I knew I wouldn't.

But I was scared.

Even so, I let go of the cool railing. The river below me was always rough whenever it rained, and I hated not knowing if it was going to be quick, or if it would take a while for my soul to finally slip away from my body. I hoped it was the former.

I lifted a foot...

I leaned forward...

And I was off, spiraling the short distance downward.

...you know what really sucked about it? Knowing no one would care.

I hit the water hard. God, it was freezing. It was a good thing, I decided, that it was as cold as it was. It would take less time. '_I wonder if I'll even get a funeral._'

Honestly, I didn't care, so why I thought that, I couldn't figure out, and I didn't exactly have the time to do it. My chest began to hurt, my head was spinning, and my eyes burned when I opened them one last time, only to catch a glimpse of something black, only to feel something grab hold of my arm. My vision faded after that.

_Finally..._

---

**Notes: **I really hope that didn't suck TOO bad.

Majorly cliché, majorly common, but I don't really give a damn. I have something BIG planned for this. Something that involves a swing. You'll find it very interesting!

Now then, lets get to my useless begging. It may not have been the best, but I have a headache, and I would love it so _very_ much if you would drop a _little_ review. Just something simple like, "It was good" will be fine. I would hate to waste my time writing something no one likes... and I bet you would too.


	2. Nightmare

**Notes:** Oh my gosh I actually got reviews! Thank you guys so much... seriously, that meant a lot. And here are the lovelies I would like to thank:

_PrettyxRavexGirl_

_Kotilo_

Audunke

_Avi den Kanashimi_

_R.ninja the plushie alchemist_

_fullmetalguitar_

_XAxel's Memory RemainsX_

_Messenger Girl_

This is for them! And those people who put an alert on this without leaving a review... ha ha.

**Chapter Warnings: **Rape, character death, language.

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own it. Surprise, surprise.

---

**Chapter 2wo: **_Nightmare_

---

_We were walking down the street, Sora and I, heading towards the small ice cream shop we usually went to around this time of day. But today, we went for a reason other than to just get something to cool off with. Today was my fourteenth birthday and we were celebrating, since Sora was the only person that wanted to celebrate. _

_"What do you want?" Sora asked, turning to me and smiling. "I'm paying - get _whatever_ you want."_

_"Oh no, I can pay." I grinned sheepishly. He shook his head at me as we walked inside; the little bell on the door rang._

_"Do you really think I'm going to let _you _pay on your _birthday_?"_

_Well, damn. I tried... not that I didn't mind that I wouldn't have to spend any of my money. I still thought it was rude, but if he insisted... "Fine." I sighed._

_We ordered and he payed. I don't see why he made such a big fuss about payment - we got the exact same thing we always did; me, some sort of strawberry and vanilla popsicle-like thing, and him, the same thing, only chocolate instead of strawberry_

_"So, do you want to do anything else today?" he questioned. "Like, go to the movies or the park or... anything?"_

_I followed him out of the door, of which he opened for me (Geez, I felt like royalty or something), and we set off in the direction we came from. "Nah." Hell. No. The movie theatre was boring, I almost always fell asleep, and the park was for little kids. We weren't exactly _little_ anymore. But despite my turning down his suggestions, he just grinned at me like some sort of idiot. That's how Sora was, always so happy. _

_"Then we'll just hang out at home."_

_That sounded good to me, so I nodded my agreement._

_Caught up in an ever-so-heated conversation about how doughnuts were made, we didn't noticed someone had been following us. I was starting to feel uneasy and I nudged Sora, who looked at me with a confused look, and whispered: "That guy's been following us for like... twenty minutes." Sora cast his gaze over his shoulder and sure enough, the man behind us actually _sped up _to us. I felt my eyes widen and Sora visibly stiffened._

_"Sora..." my voice wavered._

_I could hear him breathing now. "Uh... we'll cut through here."_

_He grabbed hold of my arm and yanked me into a familiar alleyway - one we would cut through when playing games like hide and seek or tag or something with our friends. It was long, and there were parts that you couldn't even see the wall of because of the shadows. I glanced back; I didn't see the man, but when I had turned my head to face ahead again, I bumped into something and heard Sora squeak._

_I fell backwards onto the ground. "Wha...?"_

_My hands were suddenly being seized and bound, as were my ankles, and cloth was fastened securely over my eyes and mouth. I cried out, though it was muffled, and I heard Sora struggling. But I soon forgot about him when hands began ripping and rending at my pants._

'Oh God...'

_I don't think my mind could register what was happening because it was all happening so fast. So I didn't move. I couldn't. And even if I could, what was there to do? My hands were numb from a lack of circulation along with my feet. So I just laid there. I just _laid there_ while being... _assaulted. _Brutally. And by... multiple men._

_I didn't know how long it had been, and I really didn't care. I was just... glad it was over._

'Oh God, oh God, oh God.'

_I think I was crying. And if I wasn't, I was about to start. Now to just... get these stupid... fucking... ropes off of my hands and get to a police stati-_

BANG.

_I stopped moving. For a moment, I didn't hear anything, then, slowly, footsteps came close to me, then the cloth was removed from my mouth, my feet were free, and I used my hand to prop myself up, but paused when I felt something warm and wet on it. The footsteps started again, only this time, going in the opposite direction. I was scared to take the blindfold off. Scared of what I was going to see. But I needed to find someone to help me -and I pulled it off quickly- to help... Sora!_

_I screamed._

_Blood. Lots of it. Leading to... "Sora...?" I retracted my hand and placed it carefully on his shoulder, shaking him lightly in an effort to wake him. "Sora?" I said again, my voice slightly louder than before and shaking harder._

_My cheeks were wet, cool yet warm. It was no use._

_Sora was dea-_

-

I bolted upright, my eyes wide with horror, shock, confusion, guilt. '_What the..._' I looked down to my hands and noted that they were shaking, then, taking a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself, felt my whole body begin to shake. I made a sort of strangled-choking noise and brought a hand to my forehead, wiping at the many small beads of sweat, then lowered it to my eyes that were... wet? I realized what the noise I'd made was exactly, and I made another. And another. And another and another until I just couldn't control it anymore and drew my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around them and burying my face into my arms and repeated the noises - only now, they just kind of... melted together to make this one big pandemonium that sounded like a mixture of a whimper, a choke, and the kind of breathy, scratchy screams you hear in horror movies.

I didn't look up when I heard a door open, nor did I when it closed, but I _did_, however, manage to calm myself to a state of shaking and emotionless sobbing. You know the kind I'm talking about - where you just want to cry your goddamn eyes out, but you're too afraid to let someone hear you for fear of being laughed at. Yeah.

It was hard, but I did it.

Then I remembered about my 'guest', and wondered _where the hell am I?_

Panic clouded my thought. The room was dark, and even though my eyes were adjusted to it, I could still only _barely_ make out the outline of a person. Sniffling and rubbing my eyes, I cleared my throat, "Who're you...?" God I sounded so... Ugh.

"Hm?" the stranger acknowledged quietly. "Oh, ah ha," The lights flipped on, revealing a boy. Blond hair, tall (well, _everyone_ was tall compared to me), and had a smile plastered on his face. Can you say _dork_? "The name's Demyx," he came over to the... whatever I was currently sitting on and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Did I wake you? Sorry if I did; Axel sent me in here to check up on you." -his smile faltered a bit here- "You took quite a tumble this morning. You're lucky Axel was there when he was!"

He had a contagious smile; I found myself wanting to grin back. But as his last words rang through my ears, the urge diminished. _Quite a tumble..._

My eyes widened.

_I'm supposed to be dead._

But I wasn't. 'Axel' had saved me. Umbrella boy? More than likely. _He_ was the one who grabbed my arm. _He_ was the reason I was still alive. It's _his_ damn fault my parents were going to be miserable again! ...of course, I didn't say any of this. I just voiced an innocent question instead.

"Who is _Axel_?"

'Demyx' looked thoughtful for a moment, setting a finger to his chin. "Why don't you just come out and meet him?"

"Uh... no thanks."

"Aw, c'mon!" Grin, grin, grin. "Don't you wanna meet the man who saved your life?"

Not really. "I-I-uh... N- ...fine."

"Alright!" Demyx turned and headed for the door. "He's out here. Come say hi whenever - I'll be sure to tighten his muzzle." And he left, smirking.

So he bites...? Oh _joy_! I was saved by some psycho-cannibal!

Groaning, I threw the blanket off of myself and rubbed at my wet (not to mention, puffy) eyes. I stopped as a rush of cold air surged at me, a violent shiver wrecking through my body, causing my gaze to flicker downwards.

"These aren't my boxers..."

Ohhh.

"He changed me... he _took my clothes off_!" My teeth clenched together, my face burning. He changed me. He took my clothes _fully_ off and put these hideous things on me. _He saw me naked._ And God only knows _what_ else he did! Ergh...

I gagged. I didn't even know this guy, and already, I hated him.

With my face glowing, I scanned the room, looking for something to wear. Preferably my own clothes, but if they weren't left out, I'd take some of his. 'His' as in _Axel's_. Or Demyx's. Whichever one of them is more my size. I didn't find any - not surprising - so I stood up and headed for the door.

It creaked softly when I opened it, and I found myself looking down a short hallway, leading to what I presumed to be a living or sitting room. I could see the side of an entertainment center and hear the rumble of people and music coming from the television situated on it. I walked down the hall hesitantly, peeking around the corner. Demyx was talking to someone who had their hood pulled up and facing opposite of my direction. He saw me and grinned (damn him), waving me over.

"Didn't take you long," he said.

I stayed behind the corner. I felt heat in my cheeks and I knew I was blushing. I usually did when talking to someone I didn't know. Now that I think about it, I was even nervous around people I _did_ know. "I-I need clothes." Short and sweet.

Demyx looked blank for a second, then he threw himself over the edge of the chair he was seated in and pulled a bag into his lap. Next thing I knew he was tossing clothing in my direction. Sadly, it didn't quite make it to me. So, scampering quickly and scooping the items up, I stopped when something hit my back. I turned.

The person Demyx had previously been talking to was turned in his chair, smirking at me. His hood was still up, but I could see red hair falling over his chest area. Two dark triangular marks complimented his light complexion as they rested under his eyes. And his eyes... so _green_. I caught myself staring (and he must have too because he chuckled) and looked down, suddenly finding a small stain on the light colored carpet so very, _very_ interesting.

"So," he finally spoke; his voice made me shiver. "You live."

My brain was lagging like, severely, because the way I heard his words, they just sounded all jumbled up. Blinking, I hugged the bundle of cloth closer to my chest and nodded dumbly. I hoped what ever it was he said would make sense if I nodded...

"Hey kid," he spoke again. "go get dressed."

"I have a name." I pulled my blue gaze up to meet his green one. "R-Roxas."

He looked at me for a moment, then turned his attention back to Demyx. "Axel. It's a pleasure, I'm sure. Now go get dressed or you're going to get sick." So _this_ is Axel.

_Going to get sick. De ja vu, much?_

I only nodded and went back the way I came.

x x x

When I came back out, 'Axel' had removed the hood from his head completely. I was sitting, a little awkwardly, in a chair near the hallway, across from Demyx and to the left of Axel. _This is a really nice house..._ I thought, eyeing my surroundings. Almost everything was white, or a color like it. The carpet was more of a cream color, the furniture was white, the kitchen (the little bit of it that I could see) was a light sky blue color with white cabinets and tabletops. It was just... _wow_. It was small; two bedrooms and one bath (I counted the doors on my second trip down the hall).

I was interrupted from my contemplating when my stomach decided it needed attention and let loose a loud growl. All eyes, even my own, were now staring at it; Axel's were dancing with amusement, Demyx's were shocked, and my own were overflowing with embarrassment as I shut them, hoping to just become invisible. But my luck was never that good.

"...I guess I have to feed you?" Axel's voice called over to me. It wasn't harsh, but... soft, I guess. "Hm-" I glanced up to catch Axel looking at his wristwatch. "-It's about time to eat... Demyx, go make something, will you?"

Demyx beamed and stood, bouncing happily towards the blue kitchen. "You got it!"

After Demyx had happily started to cook whatever it was he was cooking, I looked over to Axel. "How can anyone be that happy?" My voice was quiet, despite the fact that I was trying to use a normal tone. "I mean... it doesn't seem n-natural..."

Axel stared at me for what seemed like the longest time, making me a tad uncomfortable, but slowly, a smile crept onto his face. "Dunno, really. He's just _that guy_ that's always smiling. Kinda makes you wanna smile back, you know?"

"Yeah." I did. When he came to check on me in the room... Oh right. "Hey Axel?"

"Hm?"

"Why did... why did you do that?"

If happiness were a cupcake and confusion were a fat guy, the cupcake would be gone. Sadly, that's exactly what happened. "Why did I do what?"

"Get me out of the river..."

He went silent. I dropped my head. "Never mind. Forget it." I stood. "Where are my clothes? I'll get out of h-here."

"Sit." he hissed. He fucking _hissed_. But I didn't. I still stood there.

"Why?"

"Fuck. _SIT._"

_What the...? Psycho AND bipolar? Greaaat._ I'm not sure why, but I started to shake lightly. Maybe it was his tone; maybe it was the fire in his eyes as he glared at me. I gulped and fell back into the chair.

"Now then," he said through gritted teeth. "Why did I pull you out of that river? Because you were going to fucking _kill yourself._" By now, Axel's loud-ness had captured the attention from the blond in the kitchen. Axel was standing over me, hands clutched into fists. "I wasn't about to let some _kid_ throw himself off a bridge and drown. What were thinking? That you thought it would be okay to take the fucking _easy way out_? That you wanted to hur-"

_But... I got him killed..._

"-amily, just so you could be _selfish_? What about your frien-"

_It's all my fault... i-if I hadn't been born, he wouldn't have wanted to celebrate my b-birthday..._

"-ean, honestly! You've got a life here! Why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and fucking liv-"

_I killed Sora._

"I killed him."

"-nly got o- ...what?" Axel stopped abruptly, anger fading from his face, covered by concern. "You... what?"

"I... I got him killed, i-it was... all my fault...!" My hair fell into my face as I bent it down. Small, dark dots appeared on the jeans I was wearing - proof of my tears. I whimpered and gripped at the hem of my shirt. "I killed him... I killed him..."

The whole of the small house was quiet, spare my small whimpers, chokes, gasps and coughs. _Why did I choose a place so public to end it... Why didn't I just use a-a knife or-or-or a gun or something? God, I'm so stupid. I can't even kill myself right._ It's a horrible feeling - to realize you're nothing to anyone, to realize that, since day _one_ of your pitiful life, you've been a screw-up, a stupid little kid who can't do anything right.

Axel sighed - he sounded a lot closer than he had previously, and before I knew it, he pulled me to him, one hand stroking my hair gently, the other around my tiny waist. "You didn't kill him. It's not your fault. You both were just at the right place at the wrong time." he was speaking so softly, like if he were too loud, I'd break. And he was so warm... I couldn't control it anymore. I clutched his shirt tightly, pressing my face into his shoulder and sobbed. I mean, flat out bawled on this guys shoulder, not caring how loud I was, not caring if I was going to knock something over with my quaking. I needed this. I'd never cried like this. But I wasn't only crying for my own selfish reasons anymore. I was crying because someone care. Someone actually cared enough to brush off the fact that I was getting their shirt wet, that I might ruin their hearing or break something.

Axel cared. This crazy, bipolar _stranger_ cared. My own parents weren't like this, even though they should have been. It felt so good.

"Hey, hey, hey," I heard Axel whisper. "Calm down. You're alright."

I took a deep breath and let it out shakily, nodding against his neck and letting out one last, final sob. I didn't want Axel to pull away just yet, but good things can't last forever. He set his hands on my shoulders and pulled back, smiling. "Feel better?"

I shook my head _no_ and rubbed my burning eyes when they threatened to turn the faucet back on. Axel's smile faltered a bit.

"Well-"

"Maybe this will help!" Demyx suddenly piped up. He entered the room with a tray balancing three bowls on top. "Food usually makes people feel better..."

I sniffed and tried to smile at his attempt to cheer me up.

"No, Dem." Axel's tone was laced with laughter. "Food makes _you_ feel better. It just makes everyone else feel bloated and gross."

"D'aww! HEY! Don't be like that!"

I watched with a smile as the two fought. Funny... how fast moods change around here. I liked it. Maybe they'll let me stick around for a while. Soon, I was laughing - Axel and Demyx were hitting each other with pillows and calling each other some really... _odd_ names. But it quieted down when a loud _BEEP_ sounded from the television.

_'This is a channel three news break,' _A man sitting behind a desk appeared. _'A fire has broken out in a small neighborhood. Fire rescue workers, ambulance's, police officers, bystanders, and our very own Selphie Tilmitt is on scene: Selphie?'_ The scene switched to one of a brunette girl, holding a mic.

_'Thanks, Zell. I'm here on the scene of the fire that started no more than twenty minutes ago.'_ Roxas froze. _'There appears to be no one inside; The brave firemen are searching desperately for a sign of life. A neighbor has confirmed that the couple that own this house are still here, however, it may be too late for them.'_ That... that's... _'The neighbor has also confirmed that it is only this couple that live in this house, she says the son moved away a long time ago. We're now going- Oh! The firemen are coming back out-'_ The camera zoomed in on two of them carrying some sort of lumps. _'Oh dear... it seems as though the couple is dead. We'll get back to you when the fire dies down - Zell?'_

"Hey Roxas, don't stare at the screen like that, you'll ruin your eyes."

_Oh God..._

"Roxas...?"

_No... no, this-this isn't happening. It's just another n-nightmare..._

"...Roxas...?"

_My... my parents are..._

"ROXAS!"

_...dead._

"My parents are dead."

_Someone __**please**__ just kill me._

---

**Notes:** Yay! I finished! Kind of a cliffy... heh, sorry.

Oh, I'm trying to make chapters longer. At least this one was longer than the last... xD

Remember, I need reviews to know whether or not to continue this, so... have it. Plus they make me smile...


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